Love is not an area of which I have the best of luck. I hate to admit that I’m in love with the idea of love, but unsure if it suits me. I’ve always found it easier to attach myself to school, work, purpose, or anything that allowed me to be great in life. However, as you learned from my first blog “I Think I Found My Wife”, I am in love. I love her, but she belongs to him.
As profound and passionate as most people believe love is, being in love with a woman that lives with and belongs to another man is by far the most uncanny feeling any man can have. It’s similar to dreaming of falling off a rooftop, and even though the edge is only an inch away from you to grab, you can’t reach it. You just suspend in the air in the same place, but you feel like your body is rushing to the ground.
Reader, are you asking yourself is this mutual? Does she love me too? Well she says she does. At times I feel she’s being truthful. Other times I feel like it’s a lie that I have conceived in my own head and I’m just misunderstanding the words she’s saying to me because I want to believe my own feelings. At times I think that we are really meant for each other and that she is just in a situation and I have to be patient. We all know that’s a bunch of fairytale bullshit that I must have let linger in my mind from watching too many romantic comedies.
This type of love is wrong. Communicating with her is wrong. Allowing myself to continue to be hurt by broken thoughts and emotions is wrong. But for the time being, I’m following the old cliché, if it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right. I’m going to hold onto this until it means nothing to me anymore. This could just be karma paying me back for all the things I did in college (that’s a blog and story for another day LOL). Don’t follow my example though, do the right thing. Remember, we accept the love we think we deserve.