He Doesn't Exist

I’ve never been much of a family person. Family is just as deceptive as anyone else, but their deceit just happens to hit closer to home due to blood relation. I’ve built stronger and greater relationships with people that don’t share the same bloodline with me, but showed a level of love and appreciation much greater than I ever expected. With this in mind and how I naturally operate, it’s easy for people to think I’m an only child. The truth is I’m not.  I have three amazing sisters, to whom I did not appreciate the women they are until I became an adult. I also have a brother, however in my world, he doesn’t exist.

In college, I probably thought I was much more tough than I really was. So of course the day my mom calls me and tells me how her son had choice words for her and that he refused to let her see her grandchildren while she was visiting in Florida (for those of you who don’t know my family is from Cleveland, OH) I felt the need to stand up for her, and let him know that he was in the wrong. Naturally, this conversation did not go well.

I can imagine that no older brother wants his younger brother trying to “check” him, but what happened went far beyond this disdain. Amongst threatening to come to Michigan and kill me, he also said “you think you somebody cause you finally got some pussy” as well as “you’re a little faggot”.  Now of course I’m giving you all a short version of the conversation, but this rant went on for at least an hour.

The tears just rolled over my cheeks as I listened. The tears weren’t a source of hurt or pain. Although I was disgusted, I released him out of my heart right then and there. From that day forth he became apart of a list of people I felt nothing for. His entire existence erased from my mind and body. I don’t have a prayer or an inkling of remorse for him.

Now that he has been release from prison after some recent trouble he got in, the entire family acts as if everything is hunky dory. He has crossed basically everyone he has blood relation to, but unlike them I don’t have any forgiveness for him.  My heart is not that soft, and you only get once to threaten my life.  As a man of God, I know I’m supposed to have a heart for forgiveness, but my flesh has already decided and this blog was the last Band-Aid in the healing, or lack thereof, related to this man.  As far as I’m concerned, I’m my mothers’ only son and my sisters’ only brother.